Haters Gonna Hate: Discuss

I received my first harsh dose of internet reality on Friday, on my birthday no less (thanks, internet). A website that will not be named (in an effort to not fuel the fire) wrote a post featuring my nursery. I had no idea they posted this and only found the link from checking my blog stats and noticing that I was getting quite a few hits from website-that-will-not-be-named. The post itself actually had pretty positive things to say about my nursery, but the comments are where it gets nasty. Last time I checked there were 80+ negative comments of people basically attacking my nursery. I get that it may not be your style which is fine, everyone has different tastes, but when people start questioning the safety of my child and my child's ability to learn and have fun THAT stings. In the end, I resisted the urge to defend every single ridiculous comment and just laughed it off. Alice, Mike and I love the room and that's what matters. Haters gonna hate. I turned my computer off and promised not to read it again.

On the positive side, this experience made me thankful for the good people out there in internetland. It made me appreciate you, my sweet reader. My real friends and family and the amazing, kind, respectful like-minded people I've met through this blog. Thanks for being so sweet and supportive, I really appreciate all of you.

NurseryFinal04

I really debated posting this, I didn't want my intentions to be misread. I'm not looking for reassurance here that you all like my nursery, I just wanted to put it out there for my blogger friends. I wanted to open up the discussion and get your input. Have you ever had something like this happen to you? How did you handle it?

What's the blog etiquette here? Do you need to ask permission before posting someone's work/photos? (for the record, my photos were credited back to me, which I totally appreciate). It just sucks that I didn't ASK for these people's opinions and boy did I get them. I guess that is the nature of the internet you are putting yourself out there, posting for all to see and you can't control what happens with your content.

What do you think?

Haters gonna hate: DISCUSS...



Christine

78 comments:

  1. I found pictures of your nursery on another site this past week (don't think it was the offending site...)- and I loved it! And then I found your blog, and loved it too! And you have now been added to my reader, and I look forward to digging into your old posts + getting the new ones. So keep it up!

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  2. wow- i am shocked!!!! i saw the feature but early when it was posted, and i had seen the nursery before so i didn't leave a comment. but i think your nursery is gorgeous.
    what you have to remember is that some people have crappy lives and crappy outlooks, so when they get the chance to make someone else feel as crappy as them they take it. that is my belief with negative comments.

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  3. I caught this on Friday...there were already a small handful of uncool comments...did you see the major blog that linked to that article? And called it:

    - Gorgeous baby girl nursery — and it’s not pink!

    I will send you the link to that blog!

    People can be nasty, especially when they get to hide behind a computer screen/keyboard...just keep doing your thing and good things will happen!!!

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  4. First of all, you have a gorgeous nursery and you did a fantastic job. I think there are always going to be haters out there, no matter what. It really sucks when something like this happens, but you have to remember that that is not the truth. I agree with Cassie, whoever is unhappy will enjoy taking you down with them.

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  5. I'm so sorry. I saw the comments. They were whack.

    Your nursery is gorgeous, and it's perfect, absolutlely perfect. I know how it hurts when we put something out there that we like, and work hard at and to have people hide behind anonymity and be rude, is just plain, well, rude.

    The comments that I saw we're weird. I was reading them going "SERIOUSLY?" I think that website maybe just has a bunch of snarky readers. Your nursery is beautiful and perfection.

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  6. That is just insane - 80 negative comments???? What is to hate?? I would likely send a note to the site, but forget about the commenters - they obviously have no style or sense.

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  7. I'm with Christina--I'm indebted to "the other site" (even with those silly comments) because it lead me to your blog. And I love both it and Alice's nursery. (I know you're not asking for complements but, truly, the nursery is beautiful and completely inspirational! (My baby girl is 15 months but I'm still working on her room)). The other night I emailed a couple of new-mama friends to let them know about this great new blog I'd found. I hope that a new batch of devoted readers gives this cloud a silver lining for you :)

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  8. I know you didn't want this post to solicit "Alice's nursery is gorgeous" comments, but it seriously is THAT... gorgeous. The haters are jealous. I think their negativity means you made it to the big leagues.

    As a social worker, when complaints get made against my foster parents I always tell them, "you know you're doing a good job when people start talking".

    I commend you for taking the high road Christine. Enjoy your celebrity blog status and celebrity worthy nursery. You're at the top of your game and just added ahh-mazing mom to your long list of talents. xo

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  9. I just found the post - I can't believe how idiotic people are and the crap that comes out of their brains. I love the comment that says your room is a safety hazard - like the whole room. Wow.

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  10. Don't stress about those naysayers. I think they have very "traditional" ideas about what does and doesn't work for a nursery, and they aren't comfortable with anything that breaks the mold. Plus, let's be honest, other moms are often the harshest critics...putting other people down is an automatic way for some people to reassure and feel better about themselves and their choices.

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  11. I'm laughing because I just recently found your blog and it's your nursery that led me to click the follow button :)

    I hate when people feel that just because you have a blog that they have a right to disrespect you or your ideas just because you "put yourself out there" in their words. Those same people are the ones consuming what you are producing and yet the first to be haters. Ugghts. Hate haters!

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  12. Dude. That is ridiculous. I definitely would say something about them using the photos without permission!

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  13. That is crazy! I found your blog from another site that featured your nursery and I actually went and ordered the same fabric for the little girl I'm expecting. I love it!

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  14. I just stumbled on your blog through Twitter & its absolutely ridiculous the mean comments. I have not had that experience but agree with the above that it has generated people to go to your blog, so that's a good thing. And the fact that people are getting this upset about someone else's nursery just shows how shallow & dull their lives must be.

    I complement you on the way you handled this though, because I would not be thrilled to discover this on my birthday!

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  15. I stumbled upon your blog via pinterest and man I love your nursery, just put my two girlies in the same room and I am trying to incorporate parts of your nursery ideas into their room. Even went and found a little kids rocking chair on kijiji.
    Sadly there are always going to be people with negative things to say about anything, you said it best...haters gonna hate

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  16. Who ARE these people??? Seriously!!! Yikes. It looked like that first super negative commenter really got everyone going. I know that you aren't looking for compliments on the nursery, but it really IS gorgeous, and I seriously can not fathom the fact that people said such nasty things about it.

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  17. Love your nursery! It is the inspiration for my sister's nursery to be.

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  18. it hasn't happened to me yet...but probably just a matter of time. I really love your nursery and used it as inspiration for my niece's room! great room..great baby. all that matters.

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  19. My husband and I can't have children yet, but I just pinned your nursery post on Pinterest because I LOVED it so much -- and I have never posted pictures of a nursery before. I'm sorry that you had such negative comments, because I think it's absolutely beautiful. Don't let the rude internet peeps get you down!

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  20. You have raised a REALLY interesting idea in this post though - not just the negative comments issue (which is merely a case of people hiding behind anonymity and being able to get away with being snarky for snaky's sake) but also, I think, the bigger issue. Which is reposting images without crediting them. Just this morning I did a double take when I found an image of a gorgeous kitchen by a well known designer in Canada being posted without any credit on another blog. A client paid good money for that design - and then it is popped onto numerous pinterests and blogs without any link back to the original context or design.
    You have, perhaps, opened a rather large can of worms....much to ponder!

    oh - and as for the nursery, it is gorgeous and I honestly fail to see how anybody could fail to appreciate its loveliness.

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  21. Thanks for all your comments everyone, I really appreciate hearing your perspective :)

    @glamour drops - that is a good point, I have to to say though that the post was kind and DID properly credit me and my photos. I appreciate that and do think it's important.

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  22. I saw the post about you and thought it was awesome your nursery was getting noticed (by some very big bloggers!). And then I read the comments and my heart sank for you.

    I had a very similar experience happen a while back. You can read about it here: http://ramblingrenovators.blogspot.com/2010/03/famous-or-infamous.html 95% of the comments were negative (seriously? you liked my "before" bathroom with the nasty pink carpet better??) Like you, after being upset for about 5 mins I realized it wasn't worth it. Everyone's entitled to their opinion and at the end of the day, the only one that matters is the people actually living in the space.

    Regarding your photos being used without permission... interesting thought but you can't take the good without taking the bad as well. On the flip side, other blogs can be complementary and drive traffic and more 'fans' your way. Then there are the few that will turn out like this did. Is it worth putting your work/home/thoughts out there in the first place? I think so.

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  23. First off- happy birthday!! Second- it's easy for people to be negative when hiding behind their computers. I haven't seen the post but congrats on getting noticed for your hard work :)! Don't sweat the meaningless opinions!

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  24. Happy Belated Christine! It's really unfortunate that you had to read this at all, let alone on your birthday!

    I don't understand what's going through people's heads when they write negative comments like the ones in that article... Seriously. It's just annoying to see comments like that!

    In general though, I feel strongly the design/DIY blogging community is so positive and supportive and I love being a part of it (even though i'm such a small time blogger!).

    Also, remember that you didn't decorate Alice's room for every. single. baby. out there. You did it for her! Who cares if a couple of grammer/spelling-challenged people don't like it!!

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  25. Awww....I am soooooo sorry you had to go through this Christine. On your birthday nonetheless! Happy Belated birthday by the way!!! So glad there are so many fabulous bloggers who know how to be respectful and supportive ;) Keep doing what you're doing Christine!!!

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  26. The Internet is a scary place. Unfortunately, I am not shocked though I think it's awful. I happen to think that your nursery is pretty hip. But my opinion doesn't even matter. You hit the nail on the head. If you and your family love it, ignore anyone else. I'm so sorry for you that you had to encounter that.

    Yes, pics, tutorials, whatever, SHOULD be linked back. Doesn't always happen. Of that I am sure. Can't control what people do with it, though. That's why first off, I always watermark my pics (especially being a photographer). As far as unsolicited comments, it would be nice if all lived by the Golden Rule, but we know that will never be the case.

    Keep your head up...and eyes off the negativity. ;) Keep bringing us what YOU love and what you know us regular readers love.

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  27. Oh! And happy late bday! I haven't been great about keeping up with blogs for a few weeks. I've barely had time to brush my teeth! Lol. You're a new mom, you should understand. :)

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  28. I am still super jealous of Alice's room, and you will be helping me decorate my future house.
    Love you, see you soon!

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  29. I'm so angry on your behalf!

    I think it's fine that they posted your nursery, but they should have at least TOLD YOU it was coming.

    As for the hating, some people are such cowards, and the internet seems to bring out the worst of it. All the hate mail I've gotten on my own blog has been anonymous, proving that those folks would never say such a thing to my face. And when my house and kitchen were featured on Apartment Therapy, some of the negative comments (albeit not as personal as the ones you alluded to) were just so pointless. Why do people feel the need to dis others? On stuff that's not actually important, like home design? It's not like you're advocating for a dangerous product or taking a fringe political stance.

    But good for you for shrugging it off!

    And for what it's worth, I love your nursery. :-) (Not that you asked for the validation.)

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  30. That's ridiculous! I LOVE your nursery!!! Some people just think things should be "color, color, color", instead of just HINTS of colors (so as not to OVERSTIMULATE someone!!!). Don't listen to any negative comments, 'cuz it's gorgeous!! (And i'm going to make my own mobile, jsut like you!!)

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  31. Are you kidding? Your nursery is a total inspiration for my nursery! You did such a fab job. The people that made negative comments have no taste and no flare for good design. Keep up the amazing work.

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  32. WOW. I found the blog and read the comments. As a designer myself, I appreciate how you elevated the nursery to be a well appointed space that your daughter can grow into. You did a great job and I'm sure inspired many expectant mothers to think outside the box.

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  33. I think the Internet is a wonderful thing in that it brings together a lot of people that wouldn't necessarily ever get a chance to meet in real life, thus forming life long friendships. It is also a very scary place because it gives an open platform to people who are miserable, judgmental creatures that haven't the foggiest notion that just because they CAN say something doesn't mean that they SHOULD.

    A couple of years ago our house was listed as a semi-finalist in an Apartment Therapy contest. At first I was very excited because well ... hello. Very cool. But then I started reading the comments and I got really sad. These people didn't know me. They didn't have the first notion about why our house was perfect for us. All that mattered to them was that it was ugly, or tacky, or any of the other horrible things that were said. At that point I decided that I can't control the negativity of these people and just decided to let their comments roll right off me. Because really, what was I going to do? Engage them? You can't engage with people like that because you can never win when you're fighting against ridiculousness.

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  34. I think that is just disappointing! All I see is a mother creating a beautiful space for her child to grow in. A home is supposed to be a place where we learn and grow. It's where we feel safe and happiest because it is where we get to truly be ourselves, and part of that is through design!
    I think you did a great job in creating something special for your little one to grow in. :)

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  35. Seriously people didn't like it? I guess you're right people have different taste but you did such an amazing job. If people can't appreciate that then they're just being mean for the sake of it. I really liked it!

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  36. crazy sauce--seriously--and such a hard thing. I think Alice's nursery is incredible! i find is so baffling that people would post anything negative...sorry girly!

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  37. Well, just so you know, I LOVE the nursery. It's perfect.

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  38. I read those comments, and besides being frankly surprised that people didn't "like" your nursery (are they blind? do they decorate their homes in clown and circus motifs?...), I thought it ridiculous how people questioned the room's safety. Because we all leave our children to fend for themselves in big, scary nurseries? And I thought it inane that people were "concerned" with the lack of visual stimulation in the room... frankly, why should your child just lie there and be visually stimulated? None of it made sense if you stopped and thought about it.

    Ignoring haters can be hard to do, but I think it's best. -a.

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  39. I just found your blog (from that other bloggers post) and LOVE your nursery :) I am happy to have found another Canadian mom who loves design and style....sorry you are getting so many haters. I've found out in Internet land people are way more critical and harsh than they would be in real life (the whole anonymity thing). I think its a good idea to ignore the lot of them- be yourself and be happy. Your blog is very lovely and I am happy I have found you.

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  40. First, I think you should be very proud of yourself for the fantastic job you did on the nursery. Second, you should probably feel sorry for those who left any negative comments. If they are willing to take time to go out of their way to be so unfriendly then most likely they have some personal issues going on. How easy is it to criticize someone else and not have something out there for someone to criticize you about. Pretty cowardly I think. Don't stress yourself out over it because you can't please everyone but as long as you're happy, then that's all that matters.

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  41. People are ridiculous... and as long as the three of you are happy, that is the most important thing.

    Second - happy belated birthday my dear! xo

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  42. Hi- i just found your blog and wanted to say I looove your taste in design. Your nursery is absolutely just gorgeous. I don't know what blog your nursery was featured on, unfortunately certain people feel better about themselves if they put down others tastes, etc. It makes them feel better about themselves. Keep doing what you're doing girl, it's awesome!!!

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  43. first of all-- your nursery is fantastic and beautiful and all those people who criticized it are ridiculous! and I personally think that if you don't have something nice to say-- don't say anything at all. really, they probably were just jealous that your nursery was nicer than theirs :)

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  44. Oh.my.goodness. I just finished reading all of the comments, and I'm shocked at how just plain mean those mothers are.

    I love your nursery! I don't understand why they're all up in arms about there not being enough stimulating colours or shapes -- shouldn't those mothers be interacting with the baby rather than leaving the baby alone?!

    The only thing that matters is the bond created between mum/dad and baby NOT what patterns are on the wall.

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  45. You're nursery is adorable! I love it. Ignore the mean people!

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  46. Love it! Love it! Love it! It is seriously I think it's my favourite nursery I've seen so far. Definitely using it as my inspiration. And look at all the love you are getting here on this post. It makes up for all the negative nellies. Just try to imagine what the negative commenters houses look like......Yuck!

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  47. That's tough-there's nothing like the security of the internet for letting your mean girl out! I post other people's personal photos every day, but I'm always glad that responses are positive. I would absolutely hate for a bride to see her big day featured and read nasty comments at the end–and that's just about your shoes!

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  48. I am happy that you shared your situation with us... and I am just disappointed in women, and that site. I got one hater comment the other day, and it sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. I realized I had to address it, but also know that in sharing personal feelings on my blog I have to welcome the hater comments too. I am just even more grateful for the sweet, caring people who follow my blog and say respectful comments. But gosh, it sucks right?! I'm sorry. And I don't agree with what they said... they are clearly grumpy people. Your nursery is still my top inspiration nursery.

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  49. Hey girl, I am so sorry to hear about this. Sigh, its part of why I wrote the post I did on my blog, about blogging last week. This whole blogging thing can really get to you sometimes. Its hard not to take things personally (I know I do) and especially when you've poured your heart and soul into something. I know when our office renos were featured on a website, there were some pretty mean comments about us painting our desk. I just thought- why would someone write that? Everyone is entitled to their opinions I guess, but that doesn't make us feel any better about it. We would never say something mean about others work, so why would someone do that to us? Not sure. All I know, is that everything you've done has always been a huge inspiration to me, and I highly respect you and everything you've done :) I think your nursery is absolutely perfect, and all that matters is that YOU love it :) (Plus, there are a million others who love it too!). The best thing to do is close your computer and focus on whats really important- you family, your gorgeous little girl and those who mean the most to you. Sometimes just leaving the blogging world for a little bit helps, it put things into perspective. I will always support you and so will your true loyal readers who love what you do :) HUGS :)

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  50. I also found your nursery through pinterest. I'm decorating my own nursery and want it to be gender neutral as well as being cute and I was totally inspired by your nursery! I can only imagine the horrid nurseries in those haters' homes... ugh

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  51. i'm so curious about what could possibly be wrong with the nursery?

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  52. I don't understand why people say anything - if they don't have something nice to say. All in all, I think your nursery is perfect and as long as you, daddy and Alice love it, that's all that matters. Enjoy your time there ~

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  53. Hi Christine ,i love your blog and congratulations on your nursery it is perfect and unique.
    Xoxo Lulu

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  54. Wow. Thank you so much everyone for weighing in on this issue. I really appreciate all your support and perspectives, you guys are the sweetest!! I've come to realize you just gotta laugh about stuff like this and carry on...

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  55. I happen to know which the offending site is, not hard to figure out because anyone who has anything featured there gets negative comments. I roll my eyes and say whatever....I too had a project featured there and for the most part it was friends who commented but after that I stopped looking.

    You have a gorgeous nursery and there are far too many busy bodies out there to even give a damn. You are creating a home for yourself not the millions of idiots out there who have nothing better to do than to complain..I'd like to see them whip together a fabulous nursery!

    I guess with blogging comes the good with the bad. The good part, your get traffic generated your way! The bad...well we just won't even think about it ;)

    Happy Belated Birthday darlin'!

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  56. Wow- I found them. Ridiculous! This is the loveliest nursery I've seen in a while and I completely disagree with the negative comments including those about safety. I also believe that you should be asked before your photos are used on another site. That's the way I do it. At least you'd have made the choice to open yourself up to critique.
    I agree with Barbara, you're creating a home for yourself and your family to enjoy (and doing a damn good job) so what if it doesn't please the unsophisticated masses!

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  57. Hi! I'm a new reader an subscriber to your blog, I thought the nursery was and is gorgeous!! That's what drew me to your blog and become a reader. I love your style. Boo to those damn haters! Ever since I really started reading blogs and read some of the positive and negative feedback people leave and I don't get why one has to be so negative. Even to the point where it can be hurtful. What does it gain? Brush those haters off your shoulders! You're doing a wonderful job! You're doing what works for YOU and that's all that matters! Keep up the good work!

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  58. Hi Christine,
    I found your blog via another one (I forget which one now)a couple weeks ago and subscribed immediately! I was so happy to "meet" another Canadian blogger and esp. a fellow Edmontonian! I think you have a lovely home and a great sense of style. Congrats on a well-put together blog, and don't let that negativity get you down. One possible solution I would like to suggest to bloggers out there is to retain the right to moderate comments before they are posted. Something I will definitely be considering when I get my own blog up and running. Keep up the great work, hope today brings many smiles.
    Christy

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  59. What I find most disturbing about this is why in this day in age are we breeding mothers "women" that are so horrible to each other. Mothering is hard, these people aren't in our houses at 3am helping, how we parent, how we get through, our tastes are unique. That is why everyone is so different and interesting. Why do women have to act this way. Because reverse the comments to them and they would be just as hurt and pissed off. Keep being you!!! You are doing an awesome job.

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  60. I think my favorite negative comment that I saw was "the 'child size reading nook' doesn't look appropriate for a baby!!!!"

    Pssst... babies turn into children pretty quickly...

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  61. Aw that sucks Christine. I haven't seen the post but truly can't imagine what would be behind the negative comments. Maybe a bit of jealousy? I do think that as long as people link back to your blog that they're probably adhering to the rules. Just try to focus on the positive things that we have said and let the rest go!!

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  62. oh my word!! really people? I can't believe anybody would hate on your beautiful nursery. What I love most about the blogging community is the encouragement and lifting each other up.. Not sure why people take it as an opportunity to use their words to hurt - especially one's parenting. Sorry this happened to you. Don't give it another thought. The high road is always the better road.

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  63. I LOVE your nursery and I hopmemine will end up looking that good when I design it soon. Whomever that author is or those haters who commented are- they clearly have no taste and you certainly do. You and your blog are lovely! Those people should put down their haterade

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  64. I never leave comments, but I saw the blog post and I wanted you to know that I LOVED your nursery. I am expecting another baby and want to redesign our current nursery. I was looking for inspiration and came across pictures of your nursery and LOVED IT! The people posting negative comments have no taste or class. Sad that women cant support one another - especially other mothers!

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  65. If it makes you feel any better the sole reason I found your blog is because I saw your nursery pics on the 6th street blog. (which I had just randomly found off a pinterest link, go figure!) I thought it was very classy & downright adorable so I hopped on over to check you out.

    Haters gonna hate, leave 'em be. I think your nursery is fabulous.

    Natasha
    www.littlepinkmonster.com

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  66. Christine- I saw the post and read some comments. Poor people don't understand design obviously! I adore your nursery, first of all :) But hello...gray doesn't equal depressing, it equals trendy, stylish and totally IN right now. It's not too plain because of the interest added in the chevron curtains and pops of color. And also...for the people who said to make it more colorful (and one person said to paint the room yellow), studies have shown bright colors, especially yellow, can make a baby cry more! So...you win :) Haters will hate probably because they are jealous, can't do it themselves, or are uneducated. But you are confident in your design and clearly Alice loves it! :) xoxo

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  67. I spent the afternoon with baby Alice this afternoon and let me tell you...she is very beautiful, happy, smiley and most definitely stimulated. Oh yeah...and she whispered something in my ear before I left and went home. She said that she knows how absolutely loved and adored she is just because her mom and dad spent so much time and effort creating a safe and warm space where they could sing to her, snuggle with her and rock her to sleep.

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  68. I'm one of those people who found your blog because the nursery was featured. Let me say this, I love your nursery! I'm 12 weeks along, and countless times in the last few weeks I've pulled up your blog and shown my friends, mom, sister, etc. your nursery so they can see EXACTLY what I want mine to look like. This is my first pregnancy and in this crazy, frightening world of impending baby madness, I felt so reassured by finding a simple yet awesome nursery that I think I am capable of putting together. So thanks.

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  69. Christine, the negative comments do sting and I'm sorry you experienced that, especially when it comes to your adorable nursery! I can relate though because I've recently started receiving mean comments too (about one for every post) and I decided to just delete them without another thought because they are just mean, not constructive or helpful. I remember when I first saw the nursery and how blown away I was because it is gorgeous and original and so soothing. I can feel the love you put into it. Thanks for sharing this post though, it makes me feel in good company about the negative comments:) Love, Megan:)

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  70. Hi Christine:

    I found your lovely blog and nursery through the site in question. As someone mentioned above, the commenters on said site seem to be overwhelmingly negative on all posts. Your nursery is gorgeous, well-thought out, and will suit you little one for years to come. With regard to all the "baby hazards", give me a break! Your child needs things that move, can be dumped and strewn about for development. I don't mean to sound mean, but haters is exactly what they are; individuals who feel the need to criticize others in order to feel better about themselves and their choices.

    You do you -- you do it so wonderfully!

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  71. Oh, and I LOVE your minimal, clean approach to the nursery. Too many toys and clutter is just unnecessary noise to a little one. I like the idea of keeping a child's room a peaceful place for reading, sleeping, and quiet play.

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    Replies
    1. You're right, though I must say it's certainly accumulated more "stuff" since Alice has been born... but I'm liking the lived in feel :)

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